If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
