So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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