Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
