Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
