i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
