Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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