Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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