Who did Billy Mays play for?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
