I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
