i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
