Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
