Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You can't motorboat a personality
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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