tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
