Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
