I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
