I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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