This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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