I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
