Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
