This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
