you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
