you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
