oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
