Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
