So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
