Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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