I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
