We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
