Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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