feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
