Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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