I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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