just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
