You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
