he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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