i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
