I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
