wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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