why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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