You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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