So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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