where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
