Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
