If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
