The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
