They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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