I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
