You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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