Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
