Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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