I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
