haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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