and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
