Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
