My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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