I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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