He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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