remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize