He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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