i was born a porn star she said
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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