I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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