he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
