Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
