I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
