Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
