what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize