no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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