Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
