hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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