the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mom said you looked used
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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