im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
