Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
40s are totally the cure
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
